stryker:

My retired uncle just joined city council, so he hears about every petty crime in his otherwise idyllic, ultra-safe suburb. Recently some teenager smashed a car window and stole a woman’s purse, so my uncle has taken extra security measures.

This means that he dressed up one of those fetal, neoprene body pillows and sat it in front of Turner Classic Movies while we were out of the house.

 lol. wow. thats little stuff. crime is way worse from around where i live. and youd need better security than that.